I have a toddler

If we weren't sure before this week, we are definitely sure now...we have a toddler. It is like overnight our nice sweet little boy had a transformation to a tantrum throwing 2 year old who throws himself on the ground and screams when he doesn't get his way.
While I have had my moments of frustration with him when, for example, he decided that he wasn't going to bend his body when I was trying to put him in his car seat after story hour, while screaming, it has been enjoyable to really see "him."
Noah was an excellent listener through his 1's, and while I enjoyed it, it was tougher to see who he really was. Now it is easier to see his personality. He has gotten quite good and letting us know what he wants. While, at times, this transition can be "inconvenient or frustrating" it is also nice when instead of crying, he can simply tell me "mommy foot stuck." Ah ha, now I know how I can help him, no more guess:)
I guess this week I have been challenged to see my child as a true joy in stead of an inconvenience. I decided I was going to thank God every time he threw a tantrum for creating my child with likes, dislikes, and uniquely as his, and I have been amazed to see the Lord change my mind about the circumstance!
There is always hope and Joy in Jesus, I don't know why I am surprised by this when I see it displayed. Like the little things Noah does...his new thing is coming into the kitchen and telling me "dance mommy, dance, up please." When I pick him up he says "Shaaaallllll Weeeeeeeee, Dance" and giggles wildly as we spin around. How precious! How could I not be thankful for such a jewel?

New Home for Recipes

I know some of you come here looking for my recipes! I wanted to let you know that as of today, I have launched a new Alternative Cooking blog! I hope to inspire and help you all cook for your families. Please visit us and let me know what you think!

Noah Baby?

Noah turned 2 on the 28th of December, and with his birthday came much joy, and some sorrow. It has been such a pleasure and a joy watching my son grow into a toddler, but with it comes some sadness. As Jonathan and I sang Happy Birthday to our little man, and he scarfed down his pumpkin pie it hit me he will never be a baby again. All the cloths that I have put up in the attic that he has outgrown are done, they will never be his again.

I so miss having a little baby to cuddle. While I love my little man, there is something that the cuddles of a baby just do to you. Noah, is anything but a cuddler. His definition of snuggles is a quick lay of his head on your shoulder and a quick pat on the back. While this is just absolutely precious, I miss the baby who sat in my lap for hours.

Well, this week, the Lord has answered my prayer of wanting to cuddle:) The last three days with Noah have been a cuddling festival. He has been waking up several hours after going down at night and just wanting to sit and cuddle. Last night was by far the most amazing. Something was definitely bothering him. We still aren't sure what, but at 9:00pm, after he had been crying every half hour, I went in to get him. I brought him into our bed, and he laid with Jonathan and I cuddling for 45 minutes, completely content. I was so tempted to just leave him there...but alas I returned him to his bed.

I couldn't help but think after getting back into bed how good the Lord was. While it seems silly to be praising him for a restless child, it was exactly what my soul needed:)

Comfort

When Noah first had to go on medicine, Jonathan and I were admit about getting him off of it as quickly as possible. We were determined to find a Doctor who would approve us taking Noah off the meds, and finding a reason via alternative medicine for the cause of the seizures in the first place.

Well, we did find an alternative dr. who helped us identify a possible cause and solution for the seizures, and then it was time to take Noah off the meds. The irony in all of this is, it was really hard for me to start the weaning process of the medication.

What seemed like a really bad idea and tedious and unnecessary became part of our daily routine with Noah. I found that giving him the medicine at first knowing the side effects and possilbe long term side effects was really hard. I thought about how I was weakening his bones with every dose of the meds for the first month. As time went on, we got used to it. Noah got used to taking them, and I slowly forgot about the potential dangers and was taking comfort in the meds thinking Noah was safe as long as he had them.

I don't think I had realized how much comfort I was taking in the medication until it was time to wean. I found myself filled with fear and thinking Noah was going to start having seizures and I couldn't leave him in a room alone anymore. Crazy, huh? I had grown to trust in the medication to take care of him instead of the Lord. It was and is still really hard for me to think that I so quickly lost faith in our Creator and put faith in a Pharmaceutical to protect my son.

Needless to say Noah has been off the meds for 2 and 1/2 weeks now and on his molasses treatment and there are no signs of any seizures yet. My next challenge will not be to have faith in the molasses.

Natural Instincts

So we went down to the NJ shore for our annual Maul family gathering. We stayed in a beautiful home right on the beach and enjoyed the ocean for a full week! Noah loved the beach, and every morning when he was done eating breakfast, he would ask "beach?"

Our vacation routine began. We would head down in the morning, come back for nap and lunch, and head back up for the afternoon. While the weather wasn't completley cooperative, we still had a good time enjoying the sand.

One afternoon, a very nice gentleman came over to all the kids to show him the fish he had caught. The fish was put down right in front of Gianna and Charlie. The man gentley reccomended that they pick up the fish and put him back in the water. They both weren't so excited about that idea, in fact they just stared at the struggling fish out of water on the sand. Noah, who was playing 50 feet away, comes walking over, takes one look at the fish, picks it up (without being prompted) and carries it back to the ocean where he very matter of factly drops it back in.

My jaw dropped, I couldn't believe he had just picked up the fish and returned it. He just marched away like it was just another day at the beach.

Wait, you have an opinion now?

Feeling the toddler oats, what a time in a mommy's life. It is as though my sweet, little, innocent, son has recently become very aware of likes and dislikes. He has also become a pro at demonstrating his desires, usually in very appropriate ways like throwing himself down on the floor and screaming, or running away from whatever it is you are telling him to do.

While I find it difficult to see this transformation happen, simply because it means my little boy is growing up, and I desire to keep him small forever, I know it is a necessary step in his journey toward manhood.

The training we were doing before seems so easy now. It was easy to train him to not touch, or throw food, or go upstairs, when all he wanted to do was please me. Now that he has his own "oats" so to speak, the battle of wills begins. When we were at the park a week ago, I had a women ask me "who is in charge, him or you" (this is of course while Noah was throwing a tantrum about leaving the park, I will give him credit, while he was screaming in protest, he was walking unaided toward the stroller, that is at least a step in the right direction. No pun intended) I very quickly responded..."I am."

The amazing concept that I would be in charge of my child, and not the other way around. I never understood why mother's let their children control them, until now. I see the battleground and I know we are in for a fight, a fight to stay faithful to training our child in the midist of increasing difficulty. The fight for us to train and discipline in love and obedience to the Lord, and the realization of why we should even go through with the fight...because we want our Son to know the Lord.

One of my friends recently shared that she started telling her children that "if you obey, how sweet it will be for you to be my child." How true these words are even for us, in our obedience to the Lord. When we are obedient, trust and follow the Lord how sweet is truely is to be his child. The blessings that come are immense and great, and the beauty: worth it. This is no different from my child. He needs to learn the beauty in discipline and following his earthly father, which will hopefully help him see the beauty in his heavenly father.

The journey is not one without tears, and a battle, but I know it is for a great cause.

toddler teething: mommy needs a soother.

Have you ever wondered what a mommy soother would look like? In my mind it is an unearthly sized chocolate bar with my name on it that I can bit on and bit on until it is all gone or my "troubles" have gone away. Not that I am condoning eating for comfort during stressful days with kids, but wouldn't it be nice if that is all you needed?

Noah, who is 18months in a few days, has begun his trials of cutting his 2 top teeth. I know some of you are probably thinking, he is still on his 2 top teeth? Yes, that is right. He only has 2 teeth that are fully in. So, he isn't a kid that has had to deal with much oral pain, and now I am getting to see what so many other mothers talk about, the teething tears. I'll let you decide whether I am referring to Noah's tears or my own.

After 3 days of him refusing to nap/eat/play/or be pleasant, I hit my limit. I couldn't take Noah's teething any more. Then I thought to myself, the irony of this statement is rich! I can take "his" teething, as if I was the one who was cutting his tooth in my mouth. Well, we all know this isn't the case, but somehow it feels that way. My child's disposition has been, hum, shall we say slightly to moderately, ok, extremely ornery, and somehow, my disposition has gone with his.

I'm the one who is supposed to be the mature one in this relationship, and yet I find myself following my son's example when something is bothering him. I am complaining and miserable, and yet I am frustrated with Noah for complaining, crying and being miserable.

I wonder is this is how the Lord views us from time to time? I am being no different from Noah right now in my handling of the circumstance. And I thought I was mature. Well, guess not. I guess you could say I still have a long way to go in my refining process as a mother. Instead of loving him in his need, I am asking him to love me. How backwards.

Here's to hoping that tomorrow my attitude is different and I am able to love my son in his weakness.

The Simple Pleasures

Have you ever wondered why it is that small children know what it is that they want to do with their time? Granted Noah can't talk, but he makes it very clear that he loves to go to the park, for a stroller ride, or to the splash park. I wouldn't even need to ask him that question, I would already know the answer.

Why is it that Jonathan and I sit around in the evening asking each other "what do you want to do?" When the question is asked, we don't have a definitive answer, we just look at each other shrug our shoulders, or say "I don't know." How rarely we actually have a definitive answer.

Our son, who is only 17 months old, has an answer. Life is simple to him. I don't know when it is in life, that we lose our ability to just see joy and pleasure in the simplest things that life has to offer. Noah will settle for just a stroller ride in the evening. The equivalent of a walk for us. Why is it that this isn't as joyous for us? Why do we lose our ability to just take joy in our surroundings and the world that the lord has created? We somehow need more than that to enjoy ourselves. What happened to simple? What happened to free? What happened to our childlike minds?

How thankful I am that the Lord gave us the blessing of Noah to be reminded of the simple pleasures. It doesn't take lots of money or lavish food to bring a smile to his face, it doesn't even take spending money. How envious I find myself of my son's mentality.

I guess that is why the Lord tells us to become childlike. The beauty in simplicity, something to strive for.

Noah

The struggling question of how a kid goes from never being sick to seizures is still mind blowing to us. Until the 16th a April, our son had only been sick once in his 15 months of exsistence, we never had a thought in our head about where he was in the house or what he was doing. That all changed on the 16th. I was greeted by a crying Noah in the kitchen. Crying Noah soon turned into a seemingly unconscious Noah, who then fell to the floor and started having a seizure. It took a minute for my brain to process what the heck was going on. Then all the questions started flowing through my mind. I had taken enough classes in First Aid to know that I just had to keep him from hurting himself, but I still felt like I should be doing more. I waited for what felt like an eternity before deciding to leave him to get my cell phone to call 911. Although the whole situation took 2 minutes it felt endless. Watching my child lay on the kitchen floor lifeless was not anything that I could have been prepared for. After the emergency was over, and we returned home, we immediatley started to go through all of our actions feeling like we, as parents, were responsible. Maybe it was something we fed or didn't feed him? Maybe it was because we had just gone to seattle for a few days without him? We spent time researching seizures and causes and were sure we would find our parenting flaw. It was the first lesson for our family that no matter what we do to "protect" our child, we still are not in "control" of our child. We, thankfully were given the clarity to see that Noah was given to us by someone much greater than ourselves. While we started the process that would "make" him, we did not put him together. He was made and given to us by God; his ultimate Father, and while we have been given him to shepard and raise, he is not our own. This reality had never been so clear to me.

We would get to face the same reality again a month later when 1 siezure turned into 4 in one day. We just couldn't grasp why our son was having to go through this. I think I finally understood the feeling as a mother where you would rather be going through the pain than have your child go through the pain. The sacrificial love that I had read about so often when reading the gospels, but never really fully understood. Not that I fully understand it now, but I have a better understanding of the sacrifice that Christ made for me as my father.

While we still don't know why Noah is having seizures, when they will stop, or what we can do to "help" him, we do know that the Lord is in control, and works all things together for his glory, and our sanctification.

For Noah, he has a 85% chance of growing out of the seizures!

His treatment plan is still undecided, but when it does get decided I will update you all.