Lessons Learned

Learning and growing comes in many forms. Noah is a wonderful source of revelation for me, not just in my own sanctifcation, but in showing me greater "misbeliefs" in my head. I think because Noah and I spend the whole day together every day, I have more of an opportunity to have my heart displayed in my responses to my son, weather in delight or displeasure. My need to love and have a joy filled heart for my child is easy to understand, and easy to see when I am not.

Some how, I approached my son with the utmost patience (or the knowledge that I need to have utmost patience, love, and joy), and my husband, with the utmost inpatience (and feeling justified, afterall, he is a grown-up, and grown-ups are perfect:) ). I expect way more from my husband, as far as perfection is concerned, than I would ever expect from Noah or anyone else. I expect my husband to just do XY or Z. When he fails to met my expectations, I have little to no patience for him.

Yes, we could all argue, our husbands are more mature, and should be less of a challenge in our day than our children. But the fact remains, that my husband or your husband isn't perfect, they never will be, and we are always struggling to remain one with them. Since it is oneness we are struggling to maintain, perfection (because we of course are perfect:)) can be more of an annoyance to me, than loving my child, who isn't one with me.

Noah was haveing a particuarly rough couple of days, and I found myself struggling to have joy and love him, but in the process, was deeply aware of the fact that I was struggling. Now translate the same circumstance when Jonathan and I are having a "tough" week, and I some how don't realize that I am struggling, I always want to point out why he is "wrong" or "making our week hard" instead of thinking where I am struggling to love my husband right now, whether he is right or wrong.

Why are our husbands less deserving of our love and patience? They aren't! But somehow I have a hard time remembering that. I need to love my husband and my child, not Love my child, and if I have energy left over, love my husband. The effort put into Noah, should be the energy put into my husband, if not even more.